You must be doing it wrong

This is an excerpt from an email sent in response to the GDLNG posts. You mean people actually read this crap?!

Two girls dumped me because they said I didn't challenge them enough...[Redacted] I challenged all the time and she dumped me because she said I was a dick. I think you're overlooking the fact that most women don't know what they want.

When you say "I challenged" you mean...?

We've already covered coming on too strong too fast, so I assume you are referring to a different kind of challenge. No one likes being told what to do. No one. If you're my partner, then we are to be equals. This is an even balance - no tipping scales here. So someone who tells me what to do, criticizes constantly, or has the audacity to call me a name or talk down to me...he can go f--k himself (clearly he wishes he could). But that doesn't mean I want to be given everything or be in charge all the time. What a woman seeks when she says she wants someone to challenge her is someone who encourages her, treats her as an equal, and most importantly, makes her strive to be better.

[I'd rather douche with Paris Hilton's bath water and staple my vagina shut than let either of these assholes anywhere near it.]

Here's the secret, at this juncture in my life, I kind of suck ass. Why do I suck? Because I'm lazy. Why am I lazy? Because I'm single, I'm in my twenties, and I often surround myself with other lazy people.

[Oh lazy cat, I'd raise my glass to you, but if God wanted me lifting glasses, he wouldn't have invented straws.]

I spend 9 hours in the office and an hour and a half in traffic commuting to and from said office. By the time I make or buy dinner and finally sit down in my place it's been eleven hours. I should finally get around to finishing "Collapse", but it's easier just to lie back, turn on Star Trek TNG, and fantasize about Patrick Stewart until I fall asleep.

[Yes...yes...that will do nicely.]

I need someone who will challenge me. Someone who is a little more disciplined than I. Who, if we institute a "family reading hour" with our kids, like my brother does with his family, will actually stick with it. If you're a flake and I'm a flake, then we'll never accomplish anything of significance. I need someone who pushes me to be better. As it stands now, I barely cover basic cleaning and hygiene when I'm single. My bedroom looks like Anne Frank's house on the day. Why? Because no one has been in my bedroom for a while and in the absence of judgment, basic cleanliness falls off.

[Too far?.]

Furthermore, I want to constantly evolve and challenge myself to learn new things. When my California residency finally kicks in and I'm in med school studying 4-6 hours a day after class, I'm going to need someone knowledgeable enough in other subjects to help expand my horizons. I'm really getting into opera but I won't have the time to take a class, I need someone who can teach me. I need someone who will share great novels with me and who will drag me to gallery openings and teach me a little about art (but do so without being a pretentious ass about it or taking it too seriously).

I love watching football and movies with fart jokes. I really really do. But I also enjoy having spirited, informed debates about politics and taking my mom to the ballet. But when I'm over-worked and stressed out, the more cultural pursuits tend to fall by the wayside. It starts out with choosing TV over books and before you know it I'm at a Larry the Cable Guy DVD signing.

[You stay there, Anglepie, Imma run up to the libary and rent us up some mooovies.]

Someone who treats me well is good. Someone who treats me like a princess makes me lazy and complacent. When one is surrounded by flatterers and yes men, one has a tendency to become Lohan-y or, even worse, John Mayer *shudders*. My desire to be a better person means that my ideal mate would be someone who pushes me to actually realize that abstract goal, even if it can never be fully realized. I need someone who is willing to point out when I'm being an asshole or a lazy sack of crap (but without ever using terms so disrespectful).

We all want someone who respects us, but respecting someone means treating them as an equal, not putting them on a pedestal. Keep in mind, there's a difference between putting someone down and challenging them. It should be a fairly obvious distinction. If you're calling her names, telling her what to do, or constantly criticizing, then you're an emotionally abusive ass and she needs to move on. You need to be in the middle ground. When you love someone you need to respect them and you need to treat them well. Just don't go too far in either direction.

Decent people always want to be better. Mainly a decent girl wants someone who inspires her to be better by striving for excellence himself, by expecting an effort from her, and by treating her like they are on the same level. She does NOT want some douche telling her where to go, when to be home, or some arrogant f--k chastising, condescending, or criticizing. Nor does she want to be treated like she's better than he. What she needs is someone who makes her better without trying. Sorry to say this, but if you want to land a better girl, the best thing you can do is to focus on being a better man.