More on lowering standards

I don’t know that the following necessarily fall under the umbrella of ‘lowering one’s standards’, but I felt they were important tips to keep in mind when trying to find the right girl.

I. Don’t jump to conclusions about a woman.

Don’t let one comment made by or about a girl you want to get to know stop you from doing so. Other peoples’ perceptions of a person can sometimes be monstrously wrong, and an off-the-cuff joke or comment can be interpreted in way completely opposite of the intended meaning. Like when that blonde guy in my office labeled me a racist because I said that Oscar Nuñez from The Office sorta looks like Macho Comacho.

[Tell me you don’t see a resemblance! What’s that? You don’t? *sigh* back to sensitivity training for me…]

When you don’t know someone, you really can’t base an assessment of who they are as a person on one comment or incident. Also, it never hurts to look past what others see as their opinions may be just as skewed as yours.

II. Sometimes it’s not her fault.

Sometimes your crazy ass makes her act crazy. I was once subjected to a 16-hour date with a guy I barely knew. During the course of this entire day he only spoke when spoken to. Right, cause that’s normal. Not being aware of his social ineptitudes prior to this experience, I assumed he was bored and proceeded to nervously talk the entire day. That’s right. The ole’ verbal diarrhea.

[Kinda like that, but worse]

Poor thing had to take a nap just to get a break from my incessant yapping. I’m not like that ordinarily, but motherf---er wasn’t adding anything to the conversation and the awkwardness was palpable. As Sinatra once said “when you go out, it shouldn’t be a staring contest.” The point of the story is, sometimes you’re as much to blame for sh-tty dates as the girl ruining it.

III. Sometimes she’s not herself.

I have gotten a reputation of late for being brutal with dumpings. You know how they say ‘when it’s right, you just know’? Well that goes double for when it’s wrong. That being said, I always always give second chances after break-ups and, no matter how awful a first date may be, I will always go on a second date.* Why do I do this? Because I know what it’s like to have an off-day ruin your chances with someone special. When my fiancé and I broke up I was destroyed. I didn’t go on a date again for two years. I did however see an old college friend when he came to town. It wasn’t a date – we were joined by my friend Melissa – but it was a chance at reconnecting with someone I had a MAJOR crush on before I started dating my fiancé. The only problem was, it came two months after my ex left. I was depressed, I was alone, and thanks to an illness that required a prescription steroid, I was about 40 lbs heavier. I was so nervous that I started drinking before he even arrived. I broke three things that night – two martini glasses and a four-year friendship. I can’t describe what a mess I was that night. You remember drunk girl from SNL? Yeah, kind of like that, but without the flashings and promiscuity.

[The resemblance is uncanny, both physically and behaviorally]

In his eyes, I have never recovered from that night. We still chat on occasion, but it has become painfully clear that that one single evening completely changed how he saw me and undid four years of good standing. I’m not the girl I was that night by any stretch of the imagination, there were an exorbitant number of extenuating circumstances, but the sad truth is that, with most men, bad impressions are nearly impossible to recover from. After that, I resolved to give everyone second chances. Everyone has off nights. A date can be as short as a dinner. So give her a second chance. What’s another 45 minutes?

*Exceptions: incidents of rape, physical assault, verbal abuse and any other obvious sh-t I shouldn’t have to list.